A Donor's Story

 

It takes a very special person to become an egg donor and many more are needed. We hope Vanessa's story will inspire others...

"...when Polly found a donor, went through IVF and became pregnant, I was simply overwhelmed by the joy and fulfilment that radiated from her - and it set me thinking."

Vanessa (real name withheld) is in her early thirties. She is a professional in a demanding international job and every inch a 'high-flier'. She lives with her partner in a leafy London suburb.

"Having children is not an issue for us," she says, "Alexander has children from a previous marriage and is content, so there's no pressure. I like kids and, while I know I'd make a good mother, there's part of me that would want to put them in a box at certain times.

The way I feel makes it unfair for me to have children, at least that's the way I feel now. I think you have to be totally committed to everything you do.

I don't believe we have a God-given right to children - some of us can, some cannot, that's the way it is. That said, there are many genuine people whose life would be completed by having children and, through family connections, I met Polly who is just such a person.

My sympathies lie with those who can't conceive for medical reasons - through cancer, fibroids, perhaps as a result of an accident or, in Polly's case, Turner's Syndrome.

Turner's Syndrome means you can't produce eggs because the ovaries did not develop normally and, when Polly found an egg donor, went through IVF and became pregnant, I was simply overwhelmed by the joy and fulfilment that radiated from her - and it occurred to me that I too could become an egg donor.

I thought about it for a long time and, during a routine medical, talked to my doctor who assured me that I was undoubtedly fertile and still within the right age group - the limit is 35.

I did some research on the Internet and found The Bridge Centre website. It revealed a hitherto hidden world - infertility isn't anything you normally think about.

Increasingly curious, but still not quite sure about my motivation, I went to Bridge and met Professor Grudzinskas and his team. I was impressed with their sincerity and dedication but shocked when they explained to me the extent of the problem - I just never realised how widespread infertility really is.

When you pay attention to what's really going on, you begin to understand how much suffering there is out there under that simple word 'infertility'. When you start looking into it, the obstacles to infertile people are enormous and yet a big part of the solution is in our hands.

It wasn't difficult for me to decide and I found myself very calmly offering to become an egg donor, which led to another surprise.

I'm called an altruistic donor. I'm simply offering my eggs, free, and taking the medication taken by every woman who has IVF treatment. Lightly invasive surgery awaits me and the result, I hope, will be the right quantity of healthy eggs.

This makes me very valuable to the clinic but there was no rush to recruit me - surprisingly quite the opposite. Instead they test your resolve, and your medical history, quite severely.

I know that being a donor is not going to be a comfortable experience and, in a funny way, that adds value. I also know that I have some very clear rights to specify the type of recipient I wish to benefit from my eggs.

The eggs I donate are mine, even after they are fertilised, until the very moment the embryos are transferred and I can change or withdraw my consent right up to the last minute.

Everything is done anonymously and I will never know who receives my eggs or even if a pregnancy results. What I will know is that the recipient will be chosen in accordance with my wishes.

Am I apprehensive about the treatment? 'A little', is the truthful answer.

The treatment cycle involves down regulation followed by stimulation. At Bridge this is designed, for safety reasons, to obtain an average of 10 eggs - not the huge numbers sometimes mentioned, like 23-24, which is surely dangerous.

Much of the drug treatment is self-administered, but the dangers of OHSS (Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome) are countered by frequent and regular monitoring and, at the first sign of any problem, treatment is amended or suspended. The chances of any serious side effects are 1-2% but I know that my safety and well-being is the first priority, so I feel pretty calm about it all.

I'm staying anonymous because it's a very private thing but I have told my partner and a close girlfriend. Her reaction was "Well, why don't you go to the States? You could get thousands for your eggs over there."

The answer is simple, I'm not in it for the money and getting paid could take away all the good feelings I have.

How will it feel to know (or nearly know) that a child with my genetic signature is out there in the world?

I'll be happy, because another thing I have learned is that children born as a result of infertility treatment are the most wanted and treasured in the world. Thousands of unwanted children are born each year but infertile people have a totally different attitude that's very understandable.

This leads me to the biggest negative I encountered. Anonymity is essential and I can never know the result of my donation.

One of the counsellors at Bridge turned this 'negative' into a positive.

You're not doing this to produce a child," she told me, "if that's what you wanted, you would conceive yourself. What you are doing is giving hope to another woman in need. It is the opportunity which is precious and that is why the terrible shortage of donors causes so much pain.

I was comforted by this and, when you think about it, it is a wonderful thought which prompts me to ask a question.

Hey girls, all you out there like me - how about it?" Once is enough for me but there are thousands of healthy fertile women who could do this too. You have to be aged 18-35, after that it's down to motivation. I couldn't ever agree with the women that are selling their eggs but perhaps that's because I'm financially independent. Even taking the financial problems that some people, especially students, have, I still feel that selling eggs is wrong. This is a woman to woman thing and altruism is the word - even if it's an old-fashioned idea.

If I have one final wish it is that, by telling my story, I encourage some more women to come forward.

As I said before, there's not much we can do to help people nowadays that really makes a difference - but egg donation does - and how..."

Bridge is licensed by the Human Fertilisation & Embryology Authority to perform IVF, microsurgical fertilisations and treatments using donated eggs and sperm and to store genetic material.